Wow! I can't believe it has been this long since I put an entry in here. Okay...that's a lie. I warned you in the beginning that I am bad about writing. It is still true. But I am trying.
So I am once again sitting here thinking of things I want to say. It is hard for me. I guess I have too much buzzing around in my head for anything to come to me as the thing I want to write about the most. That is always my worst enemy! My thoughts being too jumbled to get down on paper! But one thing just surfaced!
I have a friend who shall remain nameless. I don't know why I still refer to this person as a friend. The first thing I want you to know is that I am not a fair weather friend. I am there through thick and thin. Good and bad. But there comes a time when standing beside someone, feels more and more like I am being used. This person, in my opinion, is showing their true colors as a user. A manipulator. How do you walk away from a person like this without looking like a fair weather friend? I have taken a lot over the years. Lies and manipulations being the biggest two! But I have had enough. I refuse to answer any more tweets, texts, or comments. I am not the one who is in the wrong here. I am not giving a name, because I am not vindictive. If this person pushes me, I can become that way, though...quickly! But I choose to walk away quietly. Whether I am allowed to do so will be seen.
On a great note...I am about to be surrounded by my family! I always keep my nephews in July, but this year is more special. We will be watching the final shuttle launch together. The shuttle has a lot of meaning to me. I have seen them take off and land and they are special. I hate to see that end! But we are also taking a cruise together as a family. My father included! I am so grateful he is feeling better. This will be the first time we have traveled together and it means the world to me! My family is first in my life and they always will be. I have given my life to helping them. It is the way I chose it to be. I always swore my parents would be taken care of at home as long as I could do it, and it has been that way. My mom died at home, under the care of Hospice, on September 27, 2008. It was the way she wanted it and she did it her way. I was out on medical leave at the time. I took care of her the best I could despite my own pain. It wasn't perfect. But I have to learn to let it go. Nothing is perfect. But I still carry a great deal of guilt that I couldn't do a lot of what I feel should have been done. But it was also her choice and I have to respect that. I can rationalize it all. But I can't get rid of the guilt for some reason. The nurse and daughter in me fight back and forth. They have been fighting it out since the moment she came home for care. Mom...the bottom line is...I love you. I always will. I tried to do everything that you wanted. Only you know if it was good, bad or indifferent. I guess I will find out when I die and meet my maker. God knows what I feel in my heart. I hope you do too! How did that topic change so quickly?? I told you my mind wanders! I'm out of ideas now.
I will keep thinking...until I come up with something else to write about! See you then!
No comments:
Post a Comment