Has it been that long??

Wow!  I can't believe it has been this long since I put an entry in here.  Okay...that's a lie.  I warned you in the beginning that I am bad about writing.  It is still true.  But I am trying.

So I am once again sitting here thinking of things I want to say.  It is hard for me.  I guess I have too much buzzing around in my head for anything to come to me as the thing I want to write about the most.  That is always my worst enemy!  My thoughts being too jumbled to get down on paper!  But one thing just surfaced!

I have a friend who shall remain nameless.  I don't know why I still refer to this person as a friend.  The first thing I want you to know is that I am not a fair weather friend.  I am there through thick and thin.  Good and bad.  But there comes a time when standing beside someone, feels more and more like I am being used.  This person, in my opinion, is showing their true colors as a user.  A manipulator.  How do you walk away from a person like this without looking like a fair weather friend?  I have taken a lot over the years.  Lies and manipulations being the biggest two!  But I have had enough.  I refuse to answer any more tweets, texts, or comments.  I am not the one who is in the wrong here.  I am not giving a name, because I am not vindictive.  If this person pushes me, I can become that way, though...quickly!  But I choose to walk away quietly.  Whether I am allowed to do so will be seen.

On a great note...I am about to be surrounded by my family!  I always keep my nephews in July, but this year is more special.  We will be watching the final shuttle launch together.  The shuttle has a lot of meaning to me.  I have seen them take off and land and they are special.  I hate to see that end!  But we are also taking a cruise together as a family.  My father included!  I am so grateful he is feeling better. This will be the first time we have traveled together and it means the world to me!  My family is first in my life and they always will be.  I have given my life to helping them.  It is the way I chose it to be.  I always swore my parents would be taken care of at home as long as I could do it, and it has been that way.  My mom died at home, under the care of Hospice, on September 27, 2008.  It was the way she wanted it and she did it her way.  I was out on medical leave at the time.  I took care of her the best I could despite my own pain.  It wasn't perfect.  But I have to learn to let it go.  Nothing is perfect.  But I still carry a great deal of guilt that I couldn't do a lot of what I feel should have been done.  But it was also her choice and I have to respect that.  I can rationalize it all.  But I can't get rid of the guilt for some reason.  The nurse and daughter in me fight back and forth.  They have been fighting it out since the moment she came home for care.  Mom...the bottom line is...I love you.  I always will.  I tried to do everything that you wanted.  Only you know if it was good, bad or indifferent.  I guess I will find out when I die and meet my maker.  God knows what I feel in my heart.  I hope you do too!  How did that topic change so quickly??  I told you my mind wanders!  I'm out of ideas now.


I will keep thinking...until I come up with something else to write about!  See you then!

I'm gettin' there...

I warned you when I started that I am a work in progress!  And writing is definitely NOT my strong suit.  But I am hoping to learn to like it and actually maybe get better at it as I go along.  My problem is usually one of two things...either I can't think of a thing to write OR I can think of too many things to write about and can't make up my mind.  So... right now, the biggest issue in my life is other people.  Not even sure how to deal with those that are, how shall I say it...assholes (for lack of a better term)!  They screw up their life, but that's not enough.  They are so mad for getting busted at what they did wrong, that they try to take down others with them.  Problem is, the ones they try and take down, don't have any problems so the person that's pissed has to make crap up.  I guess they are just jealous that the others have no problems and they don't want to be the only one in trouble!  But I will tell you this...I only take the crap for so long before I go into attack mode.  And once I do, this person will regret starting anything with my name!  This person took the cowards way and wrote to others about me.  Now, it wasn't all about me, but it has my name in it, so it should have also been sent to me.  I wonder if this person was stupid enough to think that sending said e-mail to my father would never reach my eyes?  I almost feel sorry for this person as they seem to be mentally handicapped at this point.  But then, to make up things that aren't even true?  The part that irks me is that I am almost 50 and the person that is doing the "crap" isn't much younger than I am.  This is high school crap!  I guess some people never grow up.

Now about other crazy people.  The world just seems to get scarier and scarier!  It almost seems as if rational thought is as hard to find as a woolly mammoth!  Teenagers deliberately killing another teen (and savagely, I might add), a mom baking her 3-year old in the oven, and the list goes on!  Is there a somethng going on that I don't know about?  People are quick to blame violent video games, but my nephews play them and let me just say, they DEFINITELY know the difference between right and wrong!  The games are being used by some as a parent.  Yes...you heard me right...a PARENT!  Parents are out there working (not a bad thing, by any means) and let the video games watch their kids while they are at work.  Keeps the kids indoors away from possible abduction, but teaches them all the wrong things!  They need adult supervision!  What scares me even more is that these are the people who are going to be taking over for us as we retire and go into out elder years!  They have no respect for human life!  We need to nurture our children.  Love them and teach them to love in return.  We need to teach them what respect is and what it really means.  And then let them earn our respect.  For heaven's sake...find a recreation department or a friend to watch your children.  Let them be with someone who will help them learn what they need to survive without having to pick up a gun!

I will get off my soapbox now...

Here we go...

My name is Kathy.  I am almost 50 years old, although I feel like I am still 21 in my mind!  I have recently begun to consider a blog and here I am.  I have no idea how this works, so I guess I will figure it out in time.  For now this will serve as a way to let me vent some pent up frustrations.  Hopefully once all that is released, I can move on to more positive things.  This is going to take some time.  Have to figure out what I want to vent about.  There is a LOT!  If you like what I have to say...GREAT!  If not...too bad.  Move on to another page.  I am open minded and don't mind information if I am incorrect.  I am definitely NOT perfect!  But these are mostly my opinions and if they come from elsewhere I will give credit where credit s due.  For now...I am thinking!

K